Be lenient with those that trigger you [3:159]

For the next couple of days, we will inshallah explore the following verse from Sura Ale Imran:
So by mercy from Allah, [O Muhammad], you were lenient with them. And if you had been rude [in speech] and harsh in heart, they would have disbanded from about you. So pardon them and ask forgiveness for them and consult them in the matter. And when you have decided, then rely upon Allah. Indeed, Allah loves those who rely [upon Him]. (Quran 3:159)

There is so much to discuss and learn from in this verse. Today, let us give a bit of background and discuss the segment: So by mercy from Allah, [O Muhammad], you were lenient with them. And if you had been rude [in speech] and harsh in heart, they would have disbanded from about you. So pardon them and ask forgiveness for them.

This verse refers to the Holy Prophet(saw)’s demeanor with his companions after the disaster on the battlefield of Uhud.
In the battle, Muslims in the Prophet Muhammad's (saw) army defended themselves against the raiding Quraish army. The Muslims had an initial edge under the leadership of the Holy Prophet (saw). In flagrant disobedience to his command, some companions left their posts in the midst of battle and began to celebrate victory. This disobedience cost the Muslims dearly and they suffered a defeat in the battle.

By all standards of military command and submission to leadership, the expectation was these rogue companions would be dealt with severely.

The Holy Prophet [saw], however, did not reproach them harshly.

Here the Quran testifies to the gentle nature of the Prophet (saw) which endeared him to all, and it is reckoned as one of the Mercies of Allah. One of the Prophet's titles is "A Mercy to all Creation." At no time was this gentleness, this mercy, this long-suffering with human weaknesses, more valuable than after a disaster like that at Uhud. He continued on the wise course of action, continued to do the right thing and continued to treat people with kindness.

We can learn so much from this part of the verse.
In life we often deal with people [in the family, community, at work and beyond] who challenge our ego by not following advice or guidance, who do things that cost them, and sometimes us, dearly. That bruise our ego and lead us to become defensive and aggressive. It is oh so very tempting in that situation [especially if we have more power, resources and influence than them] to act by reacting with the hurt to our ego. Justifying ourselves and telling them “I told you so” are just a couple of examples of unhelpful behaviour in such a situation.

However, this never works because it will
1. not help the situation
2. not help them learn – it will simply divert their energies to defending themselves from our words
3. will definitely alienate them from us
4. we will be reacting based on their behaviour and not our principles or values [meaning we will not be satisfied with our own behaviour]

This verse reminds us that positions of leadership require that we have the emotional maturity and wisdom not to react or retaliate to other’s actions.

So what can we do?
1. Remind ourselves of our intention
2. Remind ourselves of our principles and values
3. Ask ourselves what would help this situation
4. Consider options for our action based on the above

And, as the verse reminds us:
5. Pardon them and
6. Ask forgiveness for them

And yes, none of this easy AND it is the only path which allows us to exemplify self leadership and qualifies us to lead others.