Choose your interpretations wisely [24:12]

Here is today's reflection from the Quran:

Yesterday we discussed verse 12 from Sura Hujarat where the Quran advises believers to stay away from suspicions and negative assumptions about other people.

Today's verse is from Sura Nur when Allah swt asks: When you [first] heard about it, why did not the faithful, men and women, think well of their folks (themselves) (Holy Quran 24:12).

In order to grasp the significance of this verse, we do need some context. These verses from Sura Nur were revealed when an innocent person was accused of an unchaste act, and this rumour was spread throughout the community.

The verses that were revealed clearly dealt with both aspects of the problem: the ones who started and spread the rumour and those who believed it. In these verses, both parties are reprimanded by Allah swt in the strongest of terms.

Additionally, it is interesting that instead of asking believers to think good of the one who is accused and the subject of the rumour, the verse says that they must think well of "their own folk" or "themselves".

This is such a beautiful and subtle way of reminding us that we are all indeed connected at a very deep level. When we hurt each other, we are harming the human race of which we are a part. And therefore we are harming ourselves.

Very importantly, the verse cautions the believers about believing their own negative thoughts and advises them to think well of others, have positive interpretations and even when they hear something scandalous about others, not be so quick to believe it.

This verse points to a very powerful mental skill that we can develop: the ability to transform the default negativity of our minds and develop the power to choose our interpretations.

Psychology teaches us that people who are serious about their own wellbeing and their relationships with others, learn not to believe every thought that they have. In other words, when we notice ourselves having a negative thought, we need not assume that it is

true.

We can, instead, practice noticing it, acknowledging it as a passing thought and pay little attention to it if it is not helpful to our lives.

We do not need to hang on to it, feed it, nurture it, buy into it and allow it to colour our perceptions and dictate our behaviour.

Perhaps this is what the Holy Prophet (saw) meant when he said: when you assume [negatively], do not make it a reality.

Here are some practical ways to deal with negative assumptions which are mentioned in spiritual literature and validated by current thinking in psychology.

• Practice thinking of more helpful interpretations which would cast the other person in a kinder light. Imam Ali (as) says: do not think evil of a word that has come out of your brother [in faith] while you can find a possibility of good in it.
• Have the same standard for intentions and behaviour for others as we do for ourselves. Let me explain:
  Generally, when we make a mistake, we look to our good intentions to excuse our behaviour.
  For example: I meant to call that person, I meant to be there on time, I meant to keep that promise.

When dealing with someone else's behaviour, we sometimes look to the deficiency in their actions rather than their good intentions. (and get upset at them based on this deficiency rather than give them grace based on their intentions)

They did not call me, they were late, they did not keep their promise.

In order to habituate our mind to viewing others more positively, we can start making the same positive assumptions about other's intentions and behaviours as we do for ourselves.

In other words, we can practice making an excuse for the person just as we would like others to understand and overlook our mistakes.

When we allow ourselves to make an excuse for others, we are able to be more understanding and ready to forgive.

The Holy Prophet (saw) has said: seek for your brother [in faith] an excuse, and if you can't find it make one for him.

• Spiritual literature reminds us that the state of our mind is a measure of our connection to God and a measure of our Agl (intelligence) This is why we are taught that the more refined the intelligence, the more noble the assumptions.
Imam Ali (as) says: the assumption of a human being is the scale (mizan) of his mind.
If our minds are focused on the shortcomings of their behaviour and their intentions, maybe we can refine our intelligence by practicing mindfulness of thoughts, by inspiring ourselves with worthy literature and by learning from the minds of others.

There is an English proverb which says: What Peter says (or thinks) about Paul says more about Peter than Paul.

In other words, we see others in our own light. When we are negative ourselves, and have underlying motives in what we say or do, we assume the same of others.

Our assumptions, in other words, can be a reflection of our own state of mind. When we notice assumptions about others, it may be helpful to ask ourselves (always with compassion!):

HOW AM I THAT?

And then, when we practice assuming the best of others, it may also help us align our own intentions with the best version of ourselves.

This narration from Imam Ali (as) may serve as a reminder: an evil person will never think good of anyone for he sees him only as a description of himself.

Let's remind ourselves that adopting more helpful assumptions about others and giving people the benefit of the doubt is a habit and like all habits, it takes repeated practice to change.

When we intentionally and consciously practice adopting more helpful assumptions about others, it will eventually become our new habit, our default mode. Inshallah.